مآ أجمّل أنْ تصمتْ
فيْ ؤجهْ منْ ينتظرْ منِك الخِصَام
وما أجمل أنْ تضحك
فيْ وجهْ منْ يُنتظرْ منك البكـاءْ
How beautiful is it to stay silent
When someone expects you to be enraged from them.
And how beautiful it is to laugh
When someone thinks you are going to shed tears.
so i answered with a smile” —
or makes you happy.” —
i had to walk away from part of myself.
and it finally hit me…
i’m your summer. and i always was.
i was never real.
and my heart told my head. this time no.” —
“My worry is that what you measure yourself with ends up defining you.
You pour yourself into the thing that measures you and it defines you.
And I just hope that one day you find out that
you’re fuller when you measure yourself in
things, adoration and money.”
a series of
and large defeats
and I am as
as any other
I have gotten
from there to
here.” —Charles Bukowski, “The People Look Like Flowers At Last” (via anditslove)
yesterday is over
let’s write another story tonight
after all the time is gone
i’ll have morning
It’s been a long way back. From the edge of that.
you watch your back
you’re growing eyes in the back of your head
to prevent another sneak attack
you must be keepin’ secret weapons in your fanny pack” —jason mraz
There’s an old poem by Neruda that I’ve always been captivated by, and one of the lines in it has stuck with me ever since the first time I read it. It says ”love is so short, forgetting is so long.” It’s a line I’ve related to in my saddest moments, when I needed to know someone else had felt that exact same way. And when we’re trying to move on, the moments we always go back to aren’t the mundane ones. They are the moments you saw sparks that weren’t really there, felt stars aligning without having any proof, saw your future before it happened, and then saw it slip away without any warning. These are moments of newfound hope, extreme joy, intense passion, wishful thinking, and in some cases, the unthinkable letdown. And in my mind, every one of these memories looks the same to me. I see all of these moments in bright, burning, red.
My experiences in love have taught me difficult lessons, especially my experiences with crazy love. The red relationships. The ones that went from zero to a hundred miles per hour and then hit a wall and exploded. And it was awful. And ridiculous. And desperate. And thrilling. And when the dust settled, it was something I’d never take back. Because there is something to be said for being young and needing someone so badly, you jump in head first without looking. And there’s something to be learned from waiting all day for a train that’s never coming. And there’s something to be proud of about moving on and realizing that real love shines golden like starlight, and doesn’t fade or spontaneously combust. Maybe I’ll write a whole album about that kind of love if I ever find it. But this album is about the other kinds of love that I’ve recently fallen in and out of. Love that was treacherous, sad, beautiful, and tragic. But most of all, this record is about love that was red.
_ Taylor Swift.
What kind of life did I want to lead? One I loved, one I was proud of, and one that made me happy? Or a life that other people told me I was supposed to lead…but I hated. What kind of person was I going to be? Just another sheep? Another cog in the machine, working a crappy job that I couldn’t stand? Or was I going to be the type of person who blazed my own trail and made an awesome life that I loved living? I realized I had a choice to make: I could swallow my pride, go back to the corporate machine, and try to be a lawyer or businessman, but this time make sure I acted like a sheep and did it their way…or do something where I carved my own path in life and didn’t have to eat anyone else’s shit, something I really loved doing. Looking at it that way, there wasn’t really a choice. I had to leave that world and go create my own life. It came down to one simple thing for me:
Everyday I have to wake up and look at myself in the mirror, and if I’m not excited to live the day in front of me, proud of who I am and what I’m spending my time doing…then what’s the fucking point?” —Tucker Max (a god in a mans body)